Eberlose Still Sucks, But The Bears Won. Ok, I Guess?
Bears 31, Cowboys 14
Well, I didn’t see that shit coming. The Bears actually won.
I was sitting at the best Bears bar on the East Coast with my lady and some friends, beer in hand, already preparing myself for another Sunday of pain. I even picked the score, but I had the Cowboys winning. Shows what I know.
Turns out, the Bears flipped the script.
Caleb Williams: From Hero Ball to Pocket Passer
Here’s the thing: Caleb actually looked good. Not because he pulled some Madden spin-move highlight crap, but because he stayed in the damn pocket and threw strikes. He played facilitator, got everybody involved, and worked within Ben Johnson’s offense the way it was designed. Four touchdowns.
I’ve said before, Caleb ain’t my guy. But give credit where it’s due—this was the best he’s looked. Johnson has him doing what he should’ve been doing all along: throwing from the pocket—no hero ball bullshit.
Don’t Crown Them Yet
But don’t get it twisted. This team isn’t out of the woods.
Darnell Wright: Three games in and still committing penalties. Showed up to camp out of shape. You’ve got one job in the NFL: show up in shape. He didn’t. Now the mistakes are piling up. Tenth overall pick—on the actress GM.
Tyrique Stevenson: Played the game of his life. Props. But let’s be real: he’s not a good corner. Just because he created a turnover doesn’t change you into Deion. If you think otherwise, move him to safety.
And remember, this “actress GM” put this defense together—with missed picks, trades and overpriced free agents. Still no pass rush. Zero. Shit. The O-line kept Caleb clean, but Wright is still out of shape, still drawing flags, still looking sloppy.
The Raiders game is going to be big because it’s two desperate teams trying to make a name for themselves. Maybe the dream continues with Caleb, maybe it flames out. Props to him for Sunday, but there’s still work to be done. Hopefully, this O-line can block again.
Meanwhile, Aiden Hutchinson was wrecking the Ravens on Monday night. We’re still waiting for anyone on this roster to look like that.
Don’t Eat the Cheese
Yeah, they smoked Dallas. But let’s be real:
Everything that could go right for us did.
Everything that could go wrong for the Cowboys did.
CeeDee Lamb went down, game flipped. But hey, that’s football.
The Giants hung 37 on this same Cowboys defense.
Forgive me if I’m not popping champagne. This felt way too much like last year in London, when Caleb lit up the Jaguars. Same vibe, almost the same damn score. And what happened? The schedule got harder, and the wheels came off like a car in the Red Bull Soapbox Race.
Schedule From Hell
The next 14 games will tell us what this team is really made of. On deck:
Green Bay twice
Detroit again
Minnesota again
Baltimore
Pittsburgh
Commanders
49ers
Eagles
Not gonna get easier. Gonna get bloody.
And this is where the “actress GM” gets exposed. Yes, Ben Johnson can coach offense. He took the Lions—basically the Guantánamo Bay of the NFL for 50 years—and made them elite the past three years. Now he’s trying to do the same in Chicago. But here’s the truth: he doesn’t have Detroit-style players yet.
If you were a fly on the wall in his house, I guarantee you he’d tell his wife over a Guinness: “I don’t have my guys yet.”
And the only way he’ll get them? Show this GM the fucking door.
You’ll probably say, “Well, Dan Campbell only had 3- and 9-win seasons his first two years.” True. But Brad Holmes, his GM, drafted Pro Bowlers every year. Four years in, our GM hasn’t drafted one. Not one.
The Running Back Mess
Kyle Monanghi had a decent game, but we still don’t have a thumper. The GM admitted he fucked up. He had chances in the draft—sitting there between 10 and 15 backs in the draft. He waited until the seventh round. Fell asleep at the wheel—his words, not mine.
Roschon Johnson? Not starting. MIA.
David Montgomery? Looked like a world-beater Monday night—for Detroit.
This offense might click here and there, but until there’s a legit run game, it’s finesse only.
The Bigger Problem
Three games in:
No push on the offensive line.
No push on the defensive line.
No pass rush.
And it’s only gonna get harder.
Remember who hired Eberlose in the first place. Remember who stood by him for three fucking years while he embarrassed the city of Chicago. That’s the same GM who built this roster.
Yeah, Caleb had a career day. Four touchdowns. But let’s not forget who he threw them against—clueless Matt Eberlose.
The Bottom Line
Yes, the Bears beat the Cowboys. Yes, Caleb looked the part. And yes, Ben Johnson looks like the real deal, calling plays.
But let’s not pretend this is a corner turned. The Cowboys are a pathetic team. The Bears took advantage. Good. But until they prove they can do it against real competition, I’m not buying it.
Everyone’s high on Caleb. But remember: Russell Wilson dropped 400+ on this same kind of shitty defense. Easy to click against bottom-tier teams. Real test comes against real defenses.
So yeah, I’ll give Caleb his flowers. But I’m still sticking with my prediction: six wins.
Until then, I’ll stay, watch, and let nature take its course.
On to Vegas.
As of Today, the Chicago Bears are valued at approximately $8.2 billion.
We're waiting…
