Guess Who Is Full of Shit In This Room? Everyone!

The 2025 Draft: Another Year, Another Ryan Poles Clown Show

Imagine showing up to a draft party. You're fired up, hopeful, and ready for change. You've got your snacks, you've got your whiskey, and you've got your hope set on a defensive giant or a nasty offensive lineman who could finally anchor the damn trenches.

Instead?

We take a slot receiver. Basically. A big tight end who, according to Loveland's scouting profile, isn't a great blocker and only has adequate strength.

TENTH OVERALL.

Don't believe me? Here's his draft profile:

I love that some "experts" compared him to Travis Kelce and Sam LaPorta (lol, after he was selected, of course) because I didn't hear that shit during the Combine or the entire draft process. Loveland was rated under Tyler Warren and had him going to Denver or somewhere in the 20s.

And just the fact that some of these fucks had Loveland as the second-best player on their entire draft board, higher than Abdul Carter, Cam Ward, Will Campbell, and Ashton Jeanty, is absolutely fucking laughable. That screams these guys don't know what they're doing.

How can he be second overall when he's coming off surgery for a busted AC joint? But I bet these fucks didn't look into that. Just like when our fucking actress GM only interviewed Caleb Williams during the entire 2024 draft and let Jayden Daniels and Michael Penix Jr. slip through his fingers. This screams, "Same ol' Bears shit."

You know how many targets can touch the ball in one play? One. ONE football. Not three. Not five. Not every receiver we've hoarded since the days of David Terrell.

This ain't fucking hockey, where everyone gets a shift. We're not the damn Hickory Hoosiers, passing it around like it's a fucking community potluck.

This is the NFL. You win in the goddamn trenches.

This pick screams Kevin White.

The defense last year was a fucking mudslide. We got pushed back to the 80's and couldn't stop a nosebleed. And what do we do? Draft a slot receiver. Then, a second-round slot receiver. We've already got DJ Moore 1.0. So why the fuck do we need DJ Moore 2.0?

As for the Luther Burden pick, I'm not shitting on him. I like him. But please tell me how it makes sense to draft DJ Moore 2.0 when we already have DJ Moore 1.0. How are you going to keep all these mouths happy, especially when we hit Week 11, and DJ only has 37 catches? And we didn't even get to Odunze and Kmet.

This isn't Madden. There aren't enough footballs to go around.

Meanwhile, Mahomes, Allen, and Hurts are being protected by stacked lines and chased by fresh pass rushers. What are we doing? Hoping Cole Kmet becomes our savior, blocking off the edge?

Where are the pass rushers?

Yes, I understand that Ben Johnson's top-rated Detroit offense ran on two tight ends and 12 Personnel. But you know what else it had?

A POWER FUCKING RUNNING GAME.

Where's our version of Pacheco? Kenneth Walker? Derrick Henry? Where's the power back who's gonna bulldoze a motherfucker on 2nd and 4 so we can open up play action on 3rd and 1?

I'll tell you where: they got picked by the teams who actually know what the hell they're doing. Instead of getting a power back, this clown let them all slip through his fingers. In fact, this asshole even admitted it to the press:

Bro. You're a GM in the National Fucking Football League, and you admit that your draft board passed you by? That's clown shit, bro. Your #1 job is managing that board and your staff from Rounds 1 through 7. That oversight is so catastrophic. It's like owning a sushi restaurant and hiring a head chef with no arms.


TRADING DOWN?

Let's talk about the trade down with Buffalo. My executive editor and girlfriend were sitting on the couch when it happened. She looked at the screen, turned to me, and said, "That doesn't make any sense. Why would you do that when all the guys on ESPN just said there are still really good players on the board?" And here's the kicker: she doesn't know jack shit about the NFL draft. But even she could see it was a dumbass move, which puts her about three steps ahead of our actress GM.

We watched high-motor defenders, trench monsters, and dogs go to Philly, Kansas City, and Buffalo, you know, the teams that actually WIN. And what do we get? Developmental guys. Projects. Fucking special teamers.

Do you know what a "project" means? It means you're not winning shit this year. Not a goddamn thing. You drafted like you were staffing a fucking accounting firm, not a football team.


Ryan Poles — This Fucking actress GM — Got On That Post-Draft Presser

And said he was "fired up." Really? You looked like someone handed you a sushi menu written in Japanese. You couldn't even remember the last name of the seventh-round running back you finally took after whiffing for six rounds. That's disrespectful to Kyle Monangai and his family.

Same old word salad horseshit. Integrity. Smart. Tough. Blah, blah, blah. If you want to see what a real draft room looks like, watch Sean McVay:

He doesn't talk in catchphrases. He talks in detail. Height. Weight. Speed. Skillset. Fit. And that's why the Rams fucking win. You’re talking about the tech used in your draft war room, and McVay is talking about winning in a draft war room in a firehouse!


If I Hear The Word "Development" One More Time, I Swear To God…

Every year, it's the same speech. Real teams draft dogs. Guys who start. Guys who hit. Guys who hurt. Guys who win the fucking line of scrimmage. Look at the Eagles, Chiefs, and Niners. They draft warriors. Not guys who run a sub-4.3 and pull their hamstring in walkthrough.

A slot receiver didn't smack Patrick Mahomes's skull in to win the Super Bowl. A badass defensive tackle did!

SO…

We're still drafting like it's fantasy camp. It's like a vanity project; remember when we took that 3rd-round kick returner? Or that "generational talent" punter in the 4th? Yeah, that fucking guy finished 14th in punting.

And Ben Johnson, if you're reading this, man, I'm begging you: BE CAREFUL. You're a smart dude. But you hitched your wagon to a GM who has never built anything of value. All he's done is fail upward while throwing everyone else under the bus.


YOU SAID IN THIS INTERVIEW

That everything's running smoothly. Yeah, smoothly down the drain. Because this entire operation is under the command of a GM with a 15-36 record, he hired the lame-duck staff. He hired the personnel. He built this sinking ship.

And when asked about his own job security, he gets defensive as hell. That's a red flag. Big time.

If this guy was so fucking smart, why hasn't he drafted a single Pro Bowler? Where is the talent?

If his staff is so smart, organized, and talented, then why couldn't his second-in-command, Cunningham, get a GM job?  I don't know.  Maybe, because his fucking actress boss is 15-36, so who the fuck would want him?


WHY ARE WE ALWAYS BEHIND OUR DIVISION RIVALS?

Detroit, Green Bay, Minnesota—they drafted to win the NFC North.

We drafted like we were afraid of commitment. Again.

This roster screams 7-10. And I'm being generous.

Ben, if this actress GM is the brains, you're standing on the Titanic, brother. And that iceberg's coming fast.

Just remember: real teams have a fucking PLAN. A vision. A direction.

Now this asshole is gonna do what he always does, try to cover up his mistakes by tossing darts at undrafted free agents who probably weren't even invited to the Combine. He'll sign three, maybe four guys nobody's heard of, cross his fingers, rub his lucky rabbit's foot, and pray that one of them hits just enough to keep his job another year. That's his version of a plan.

Meanwhile, we're stuck drafting tight ends who can't block, running backs with names we can't pronounce, and banking on miracles because our GM couldn't handle the board when it mattered most.

It's the same play. The same movie. The same losing script.

And we're all watching it again.

The Chicago Bears: a never-ending masterclass in how to fuck up the opportunity.

As a guy who grew up with this team in the 80s, you missed the boat, the magic, and it may never come back again.

Onto OTA's and more pain.


As of Today, the Chicago Bears are valued at approximately $6.4 billion.

We're waiting…