SKOL, BRO! Pick Up Your Purse and Leave

Here we fucking go.

All these so-called "media" people spinning the same offseason fantasy, telling you the Bears won the draft, nailed free agency, and flipped the franchise. And now, what's at your door? A flaming, steaming bag of dogshit.

I fucking told everyone last year Carl and his beloved son Caleb never wanted to be here. I was the bitter, conspiracy-theory crank. "You're crazy," they said. "You're old and mad."

Well, guess what, motherfuckers? It's all coming out now.

Like my mom says: "You can only be full of shit for so long. Eventually, like a real shit, it has to come out. You can't hold it forever."

Last year, NFL insiders whispered it, and L.A. media documented it. The Caleb & Carl duo didn't want anything to do with Chicago. But poof, those stories vanished like magic. Maybe the NFL, Roger NoBrains, and the Bears' little cleaning crew didn't want to stain the 2024 draft buzz.


And why didn't they want Chicago?

Because the McCaskeys have destroyed this team since '85. And when they kicked Ditka to the curb in '92, they nailed the coffin shut.

So yeah, I don't blame Carl and Caleb for not wanting to come here. They were right. This franchise is a fire in a landfill. And then we get Seth Wickersham's new book, American Kings, dropping this gem:

"Chicago is the place quarterbacks go to die."

Carl said that. The dad. Not an analyst. Not a fan. The dad of the kid they drafted #1 overall.

Worse? They consulted lawyers. Not one. A TEAM of them. Looking for ways to get around the NFL's collective bargaining agreement. Ready to SKIP the NFL Draft to go to the fucking United Football League.


Who does that?

There are people in this country wrongfully fired who can't afford ONE lawyer. Meanwhile, these clowns are lawyering up because they didn't like the team that landed the top pick. Fuck that.

I sucked at football, but I knew then and still know it's a privilege to play in the NFL. Kids would give a kidney to wear a jersey on Sunday. And this duo? They're acting like some dad-and-son AAU combo who cry and pout the moment their golden boy takes a hit.

And they went to a journalist like this wasn't going to blow up? Get the fuck outta here.

This is embarrassing. And camp hasn't even started yet.


You know who I really feel for? Ben Johnson.

Dude finally gets his shot—his offense, his vision—and now his career is shackled to a fucktop and his overbearing dad.

Like I said after the Fail Mary last year, They never wanted to be here. And now Wickersham's book confirms the whole damn thing.

So where does this blame really land?

Right at the feet of the usual suspects:

George McClueless McCaskey.

Unless this dude's head was in a cooler all year, how the fuck did he miss every red flag about Caleb and Carl not wanting Chicago? He had a chance—fire Eberlose, bring in Harbaugh, Dan Quinn, Vrabel, Flores, someone. But he stuck with a loser coach until the wheels fully came off. And even when he finally pulled the trigger, he bungled that too.

Then there's this:

"Chicago is where quarterbacks go to die."

If that's the quote Carl's been dropping for years, why did you greenlight drafting his son? This is the fifteenth wealthiest franchise in all sports, and you run it like a fucking neighborhood True Value.

He's still umpiring baseball games and running this like Grandpa's legacy toy. What are you going to do in year five? Offer an extension to a kid who didn't want to be here in the first place and wanted Minnesota from the start?


Then comes the Pimp President.

Knows the drama. Ignores it. More worried about pushing some shiny new stadium down our throats than building a winning football team. Bears fans are starving for wins, and this guy's out here selling blueprints.


And finally, our Actress GM.

Yeah, I said it. Actress GM. Because this clown acts like a football genius while consistently shitting the bed.

From Wickersham's book:

"Do I want to go there? I don't think I can do it with Waldron."

Caleb's own words. About his OC. Then he tells Carl he wants Minnesota after vibing with O'Connell at the Combine.

So, what does our GM do?

"We're drafting you no matter what."

Seriously? No due-diligence? You've got Jayden Daniels and Michael Penix Jr. on the board and don't even interview them? Caleb told his daddy he wanted to go to the Vikings after he and head coach Kevin O'Connell hit it off at the NFL Scouting Combine.

You knew this kid didn't want to be here, and you still take him? That's your strategy?

You drop the top pick in the draft into a coaching staff led by a lame-duck coach and an OC with an offensive line that's a fucking turnstile. No protection. No leadership. No plan.

You had a shot at Harbaugh, a guy who would've put Caleb in check and turned this around. But nah. Let's roll with a diva and his dad.

This GM is and continues to be the biggest fucking fraud in the NFL. She keeps failing. Now, she's stuck cleaning up her own mess. I give it nine months. She's gone. Hopefully, Ben Johnson gets a real GM next year who knows how to build a roster.

Now, look at this schedule. It's tough. I had 7-10 penciled in. After this shitstorm? Try 6-11.

Because here's what we got:

A locker room full of grown-ass men being led by a kid whose Daddy speaks for him. Who cries about coaching. Who questions play callers. And whose Daddy talks about market-value income before playing a single down.

And when adversity hits? When a teammate says, "Shut the fuck up!"—what's he going to do? Call Carl from the sideline? Ask for a ride home?

He said he watched film alone. Got no guidance. Poor baby.
If the coaching was so bad, then why didn’t you go to your boss, B and let him know?

Joe Burrow played with one leg and a bad offensive line and still made a Super Bowl run.

This ain't L.A. This is Chicago. And now? Caleb wants to "stick it out"?

Nah, bro. Pick up your purse and leave. Take Carl with you.

I actually felt bad for this kid. Now I just want him gone.

Fuck me, Man! Give me JJ McCarthy or someone. At least he wanted to be somewhere in the NFL. At least he respects the league. He's not perfect, but he's humble. And he understands what it means to wear an NFL uniform.

And to Carl—the jerkoff who thinks bad teams shouldn't draft good players: THAT'S NOT HOW THE DRAFT WORKS. The top five picks don't go to Kansas City, asshole.

And, of course, the Bears declined to comment. Because when shit gets real, they vanish like roaches when the lights flip on.

They'll say, "It's no distraction."

Cool story, Bro. Meanwhile, if they're 4-6 by Thanksgiving and Soldier Field will rain down "Daddy's Boy" chants like it's a fucking hailstorm.


I'm not different from any Bears fan. I just say the shit out loud.

I want a winner. For the city. For the history. For every fan who's suffered through this clown show.

But this? This is going to be one big-ass distraction.

I hope they cut bait early and bring in a real GM, but we know that isn't happening.

This boy is going to run away once he turns down that extension when the time comes. And let him because he's only going to do what his daddy says.

The McCaskeys opened the door and let all the rats in. Until they sell? This shit stays broken.

To everyone who believed this kid would save us:

He never wanted to be here.

Let the pain begin…


As of Today, the Chicago Bears are valued at approximately $6.4 billion.

We're waiting…