Let Nature Take Its Course

Bears 25, Commanders 24

Where the fuck is the pass rush?

Seriously, bro. Every snap feels like the opposing QB’s at a damn picnic — flicking a Marlboro, humming a tune, checking his fantasy stats before throwing. Meanwhile, our “rush” looks like they’re politely asking permission to enter the backfield.

And yeah, I know we had a “sack.” How adorable. One highlight doesn’t erase the fact that this defense still can’t stop the run to save its life.


Caleb and the Hero Ball Hangover

Caleb? Missing easy throws again.

Wide open. Clean pocket. Still — behind, over, under. Every throw feels like playing catch with someone wearing oven mitts. And when he’s not air-mailing it, he’s holding the ball too fucking long.

This dude had at least six missed throws that any real NFL starter should make in his sleep. And I’m done with this Heroine Ball horseshit.

I don’t want to hear it from the Caleb fanboys either. They’re jumping up and down like we just found Joe Montana. Calm down. We scored one passing touchdown and a handful of field goals. That’s not elite — that’s “we survived.”

And can we chill with the Jake Moody lovefest? Everyone is acting like he’s the second coming of Adam Vinatieri. Yeah? Tell that to half the 49ers roster, who probably wanted to pull a Full Metal Jacket Code Red on him after those missed kicks last season.

Troy Aikman Said the Quiet Part Out Loud

Troy said what everyone else has been too scared to admit — Caleb doesn’t see the field well. And he’s not the only analyst who’s said it.

The kid’s got talent, no doubt. But he still can’t make the simple NFL throws. Behind, over, high, low — pick your poison.

This “future of the franchise” talk? Pump the brakes. It’s not even November. Wait until they go off-script during the first 20 plays and see what happens.

And the pouting on the sidelines? Bro, that baby shit’s gotta go. Acting like a toddler because things don’t go your way? This is the NFL, not the candy aisle at CVS.

You watch Jayden Daniels on the other sideline — his offense wasn’t even playing well, but the guy’s smiling, laughing, just playing the game. Meanwhile, Caleb’s throwing sideline tantrums like he’s auditioning for High School Musical.

Guess who is having fun?

The Ugly Win We Barely Deserved

Let’s call it what it was: an ugly win.

If Jayden Daniels doesn’t fumble that ball, the Commanders probably win — and Bears fans would be giving Caleb the Code Red instead.

But hey — it’s the NFL. An ugly win still counts. You celebrate for five seconds, then reach for the bottle.

I said it all offseason and preseason: I see the holes. The self-inflicted penalties? The defense still can’t pressure a high school quarterback, and that horseshit Colts linebacker we picked up? Getting lil-brothered every game. How does a “well-paid veteran” look lost on every damn snap?

This roster ain’t the Lions. It’s a patchwork crew of “maybe next year” players held together by duct tape and caffeine. And somehow, Washington, with their piecemeal roster, looked more organized.

Our actress GM? Hanging by a thread.

Actually, scratch that — he’s walking around with toilet paper stuck to his shoe, praying no one notices. That’s how fragile this whole thing feels.


Credit Where It’s Due

Before anyone calls me a hater — credit to the O-line.

They played their asses off. Best performance of the season by far, even with the new pickups. They protected Caleb, opened lanes, and finally made the run game look like an actual NFL unit.

Theo Bennett, everyone across the line deserves props. And Swift? Finally broke the 100-yard mark again. Took forever, but the man earned it.


The Bigger Picture

Here’s the thing: I told Bears fans this months ago —

Let nature take its course.

This schedule’s a damn meat grinder. You can’t fake consistency, and you can’t hide a mediocre roster forever. The truth always shows up by midseason, and when it does, it’s not kind.

Yes, we got the win. But be honest — you saw the cracks. You felt that sinking feeling in the fourth quarter. You can’t tell me you didn’t mutter, “These jerkoffs are gonna blow this game.”

That’s not confidence. That’s anxiety wearing a Bears jersey.

So yeah, enjoy the win. I did too. But don’t kid yourself — this isn’t a turnaround.

Until this full-of-shit GM gets shown the door and Ben Johnson builds the roster his way, this team’s living on borrowed time.

It’s a stay of execution. Nothing more.


Stay of Execution

The Bears are like that one friend who somehow gets the girl’s number after spilling a drink on her — it worked, but no one’s sure how the hell it happened.

I’ll take the win.
I’ll drink to it.
But deep down, we know the truth.

The real test starts now — and the cracks are getting harder to hide.

As of Today, the Chicago Bears are valued at approximately $8.2 billion.

We're waiting…