Well, I didn’t see that shit coming. The Bears actually won.

Fraud GM. Fingernails QB. Umpire-owner. The Chicago Bears don’t suck — they’re a pagan cult. Sell the fucking team.

Caleb Ain't It, Carl. McCarthy outplayed your son. This guy didn't even play real football for 394 days.

This is probably going to be my most controversial post on this blog, and I can already smell the Molotov cocktails in the streets. But let's cut the bullshit: Tyson Bagent needs to be the starter of the Chicago Bears.

Because once again, just when you think the Chicago Bears couldn't possibly fuck things up more than they already have.

All these so-called "media" people spinning the same offseason fantasy, telling you the Bears won the draft, nailed free agency, and flipped the franchise. And now, what's at your door? Crap.

The 2025 Draft: Another Year, Another Ryan Poles Clown Show

Fifteen wins. Thirty-six losses. And yet, somehow, the GM of the Chicago Bears keeps selling Hopium, the city of Chicago, and Bears fans

But here's the real question: Will this dysfunctional ownership group let him actually run the team?

The Bears are now sitting at the edge of a franchise-defining offseason, and we're left wondering: are these dumbasses actually going to follow the formula.

So, Ben, you took the job. The job you’ve coveted, right? This is it—the gig that’s supposed to put your stamp on the NFL. But let’s be real here: Was it worth it?

Instead of patting ourselves on the back for beating the Packers in a meaningless game, can we actually focus on the bigger picture?

Thank God, there’s one game left. This team has to go to someone else—please, God, anyone!

If this actress GM doesn’t know how to build a winning team, then the McCaskeys might as well hire Woody Johnson’s kid.

Way before these “media gurus” jumped on the bandwagon, I told you—this team is a coffin floating in the Indian Ocean.

The Chicago Bears are being run into the ground like the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs.

Thanks to the magic of AI and ChatGPT, I’ve created a blueprint for you. You’re welcome.

One win down (goodnight, Eberlose), three more to go until this steaming Bento Box of Bullshit gets hurled into the void where it belongs.

That's what Vikings head coach Kevin O'Connell probably whispered to Caleb Williams as he walked off the field after the Bears' latest shitbox.

How much more evidence do we need before this Trifecta of Shit—the coach, GM, and president—get tossed out on their asses?